ugh, look at that train wreck!

The following are a list of reasons why I should be inducted into the Hallmark Hall of Attractiveness:

1) I am sporting stained teeth due to the copious amounts of coffee and tea that I've been consuming. Oh, and I have a broken front tooth (from a flossing accident, seriously).

2) I have wild hair that screams for a haircut. I didn't try to cut it myself this time, but I am starting to consider it. Sometimes the hair on the right side of my head sticks out like porcupine spikes because I have a habit of rubbing my head when I'm thinking and the rubbing generates static electricity.

3) I am wearing my sister's old glasses. The glasses are thick-rimmed, dark, and probably don't fit my face. The prescription is so low that everything and everyone outside of my three foot radius is a blur. I am constantly squinting and running into things. Don't worry, I don't wear the glasses while driving. There are enough Asian women driver stereotypes floating out there. I couldn't bear to perpetuate it.

4) I have been wearing the same musty clothes for quite some time now. I'm not sure how long. All I know is that every night, I fold them neatly and, inexplicably, throw them on the ground. When I wake up, my clothes are waiting for me. The cycle continues. In the morning, I usually squirt some body spray on my jacket, on the off chance that someone in the elevator stands too close to me.