ugh, look at that train wreck!

The following are a list of reasons why I should be inducted into the Hallmark Hall of Attractiveness:

1) I am sporting stained teeth due to the copious amounts of coffee and tea that I've been consuming. Oh, and I have a broken front tooth (from a flossing accident, seriously).

2) I have wild hair that screams for a haircut. I didn't try to cut it myself this time, but I am starting to consider it. Sometimes the hair on the right side of my head sticks out like porcupine spikes because I have a habit of rubbing my head when I'm thinking and the rubbing generates static electricity.

3) I am wearing my sister's old glasses. The glasses are thick-rimmed, dark, and probably don't fit my face. The prescription is so low that everything and everyone outside of my three foot radius is a blur. I am constantly squinting and running into things. Don't worry, I don't wear the glasses while driving. There are enough Asian women driver stereotypes floating out there. I couldn't bear to perpetuate it.

4) I have been wearing the same musty clothes for quite some time now. I'm not sure how long. All I know is that every night, I fold them neatly and, inexplicably, throw them on the ground. When I wake up, my clothes are waiting for me. The cycle continues. In the morning, I usually squirt some body spray on my jacket, on the off chance that someone in the elevator stands too close to me.

mind over matter

My brain has already settled into vacation mode. I booked a flight home in a hurry. I want to taste simple home cooked meals, peruse a farmer's market with my mom, reacquaint myself with friends, and explore big cities without a care in the world.

I want, I want, I want.

I just pulled a shoulder muscle... by sitting. My body has atrophied.

bad fruit

I don't know why it took me this long to realize that I don't like tomatoes.

I've always eaten them dutifully because they're full of lycopene and vitamins. Now I say, WHO CARES! I am going to live on the edge and never eat them again!

sad

Today I found out that another high school classmate passed away. Steph sent us the Youtube video and it was shocking to see the moving montage of photos from his childhood, from his middle school graduation, from his wedding. It was unbearably sad.

Next to this news, my maudlin little aches seem misplaced and shallow.

What have I been doing?

If you asked me what I have been up to lately, I really wouldn't be able to say. My days are bleeding together again.

I've stared at a lot study room racing stripes. A few months ago, the good people at the university spruced up the study rooms and stairwells by painting racing stripes on the walls, presumably to break up the monotony.

I could tell you which bathroom stalls are the cleanest and when the afternoon glare sets in. I know the best time to get a parking spot and I remember all of the library hours. Beyond that, I'm not sure if I'm even retaining the information. Every element, rule, and exception feels like a wilted refrigerator magnet. Everything threatens to peel off and slip onto the floor at any time. I'm running out of space. If I shake my head too fast, information will go flying out of my ears! I'm only kind of kidding.

Sometimes I feel annoyed when people tell me how certain they are that I will pass the second time around. I know they mean well and I appreciate the good intentions. There is no rational explanation for why I am annoyed by their kind words of encouragement, except that it's a mix of fear and hurt pride and generally being sick of the bar hanging over my head. I guess I just want things to be normal, to discuss recipes and news and happy things with my family and friends and acquaintances, rather than rehash things that I don't feel like I can control.

In the end, I keep reminding myself that I am thankful to have made it this far. I am lucky to have the opportunity to even take this test. It's easy to forget how much I used to enjoy learning when everything hinges on three days.

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On a random note, I've always assumed that "dirigible" is synonymous with "morsel" or "nugget." As in, I picked up some delicious little dirigibles at the market. I pictured something quaint and rustic. Today, I learned that it actually refers to some sort of blimp or zeppelin or aircraft. It was a relief to find out because if I ever used it in in conversation, I would look like a fool.

Still, I rather liked pretending that the word referred to food rather than aircraft.