high apple pie, in the sky hopes

1) Two more days until the end of the fiscal year.

2) Speeding thru the mountains vroom vroom + dessert + me pretending to drive fast in the back seat while imitating car sounds.

3) Another amazing trip booked with P. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

take the plunge

I got a new phone!!!! Ahhh it's so cute. I really like it!

It's so nice to use a phone that is in one piece, not two. :)

the difference between Angus and Kobe

I was leaning against the door frame. My feet were planted in the no man’s land between my co-worker’s office and the hallway, a spot deemed safe by the California earthquake league. She was telling me about her date night with her husband.

“So it turned out to be Angus, not Kobe.”

“Angus?”

“The burger,” she said. “Lower than Kobe but still a really good burger. Also, the best shoestring fries.”

“I love shoestring fries.” I didn’t, really, but I didn’t want to impede the flow of conversation.

“Then you should check this place out. Great date spot. It was funny – you could tell all the married couples from the daters. The daters were talking nervously a mile a minute and the women were flipping their hair. They were all trying so hard. And then you see the married couples and they’re on their phones checking emails”-she demonstrated with her Blackberry-“and if they were talking, they were snarling at each other. Like, what do you want, I’m checking work email.”

I laughed.

“I pointed out the differences to my husband,” she continued. “He said, honey, but what we have is real. And it’s true, give me comfort and comfortable, any day.”

---

Some things you remember, suddenly, with no warning. When I turned 21, two of my girl friends took me to Las Vegas. We ate dinner next to a couple who barely spoke to each other during the entire meal. They weren’t sullen or sad or anything-they were just preoccupied with eating. Still, it made me feel a little sad for them. I made a mental note that I never wanted to sit through a silent meal.

So call me naive, but I still want that meal where I can look at someone and not want to look away, even if I have a very fine burger sitting on my plate and a smart phone tucked into my coat pocket.

good. bye.

I feel obliged, somehow, to acknowledge this conclusion with a few veiled statements. Pausing before the last nail on the coffin, if you will. (Note: I spent a minute thinking of appropriate, unique analogies but came up with nothing significant. The only situation I could think of was the last digestive gurgle of a condemned man's final meal, which is gross.)

I started this blog because my world was collapsing on me. It's been four years, give or take, and the psychological weight is gone. It dissipated with that last message. It's convoluted - sort of monumental, but also provoking the sort of involuntary reaction I'd produce if I were cleaning out the fridge and stumbled upon an organism sporting the first stages of mold - oh. ok. there it goes.

It's not angry.
It's not sad.
It's not vengeful.
It's not regretful.
It's not pained.
It is what it is.

Even when I try, I don't feel much of anything anymore except a small flicker of recognition, a passing interest.

Memories are just memories.
They may be good or bad or sweet or interesting or glossy but they belong in the past.